Recently, the realization came to me that I was being fucking ridiculous.
I have always been sort of embarrassed to be working out. On the serious, I still get kind of embarrassed to even be seen looking at workout clothes. Those of you who have never been fat will probably not understand this, but there are 10,000 things that are pretty embarrassing to do when you’re a chunk. Maybe I’ll list those for you someday, but working out is definitely one of them.
It highlights all of your fatness, to be sweating, out of breath and slow as shit.. so of course, it’s a little embarrassing. So I still do 90% of my exercise alone, or with a friend, or with the hubs.
However, about a month ago, I attended my first real fitness type class. Granted, it was taught by a friend. And 3 out of the 4 other people in class were my friends. So..it wasn’t really that scary. Plus, it looked pretty cool. It’s called TRX Suspension workouts, and it’s pretty badass. What was cool about this class was that my friends who are in MUCH better shape than I am took the same class as me, and we were both challenged because you set your own difficulty level.
Even at the senior citizen rate, I was sore as fuck for three days afterwards, btw. Again, if you’ve never been fat it sounds ridiculous, but I have no idea how to exercise, when to stop, when it’s too much, because the line between mental and physical isn’t really very clear. 10 seconds in I want to stop. My muscles shake, I want to stop. Something burns or aches, I want to stop. But I’ve learned that just because I THINK I can’t keep going, doesn’t mean I can’t. But just because I CAN, doesn’t mean I SHOULD.
So when you don’t know something, it only makes sense that you should go see someone who does. DUH.
TRX was CRAZY, and I’ll be going back for more. Here’s where I give a shout out to my girl Danielle over at Fitness Fusion in Bristol, RI.
She LOVES what she’s doing, and not once, not even a little, did I feel like I was being judged for being fat or slow or sweaty.
So while I was at TRX class, I realized that I pushed myself harder than I EVER would have at home, or alone. I realized that I was doing things incorrectly, and therefore, ineffectively. And there’s nothing my lazy ass hates more than doing something for nothing.
Yoga’s been my favorite thing for the past 6-7 months or so. But man oh man..how embarrassing I thought it would be to do try to do that shit in public. But after TRX, and talking to a couple friends about it..I decided it might be time to look into a class. I do videos at home all the time, and I subscribe to the GAIAM channel, OnDemand. Dudes, it has bajillions of yoga videos. But I keep coming back to this one:
This is, of course, after learning basic moves and stuff. Rodney Yee’s Pose Guide is GREAT for that. http://www.gaiamtv.com/tv/rodney-yees-yoga-beginners-video
So when I first got bitten by the yoga bug, I googled Forrest Yoga and found Raffa Yoga over in Cranston: www.raffayoga.com
Then, a friend ALSO recommended their hot yoga class. Now..I’ve always been TERRIFIED of hot yoga. I hate being hot. I just don’t tolerate it well. So when I found out their Beginner Forrest Yoga class was practiced at a stifling 90 effing degrees, I was SO close to not going. But I have a friend willing to go with me, so what the hell, right?
But I’ve gone twice now, and it’s AMAZING. It’s this whole yoga center, it’s all they do! I kinda want to live there. The rooms are all dim, and it’s quiet, and smells nice. I sweated my face off Tuesday night, and I’ve never felt so amazing.
My point is this: get out of your comfort zone. Just do it.
Because here’s the thing, it is fucking ridiculous to feel embarrassed about being fat, slow, or weak when you are actively trying to be fat, slow or weak. If anyone has paid me a second glance, I can’t tell. I’ve decided just..not to waste anymore mental energy being embarassed and paying mind to these kinds of defeating thoughts. “Everyone’s looking at me, oh man I should’nt have worn this, I should just go, oh jeez, everyone’s facing this way now I bet they’re looking at my arms..” Every time those thoughts bubble up to the surface now (and I assure you, they do, often. I’m human and the presence of one pretty young thing is all it takes to send my head spinning.) I push it right back out with this mantra: Yes, I’m fat..but here I am, working on that shit. So laugh it up if you gotta, haters, but I’m a force to be reckoned with.