It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas..

Christmas in Texas, anyway. How bout this crazy ass 65 degree weather in December here in Rhode Island? What the what?! Last week, I stood outside putting ornaments and lights on our potted stoop trees, and realized I was wearing a tank top outside. Comfortably. And my country ass was barefoot too!

On the serious, I pretty much love it. It’s just weird as hell. My brother, who is ACTUALLY in Texas, got two inches of snow. I’m starting to think that perhaps that whole global warming thing isn’t just a bullshit scare tactic made up by Al Gore. (Sarcasm. It totally was.) (Sarcasm again, did you actually think I thought that global warming is made up? Who thinks that!)

But at any rate..I’m fucktastically excited for Christmas this year. So, remember how I told you guys that we didn’t do holidays for awhile? Right, we didn’t. So when I decided we would start doing them, John agreed that I could pretty much do them however I want. And that means theme trees. Ridiculous, beautiful, cohesive, OCD theme trees. Last year, it was teal and silver. And I’m not dumb, I hit up the stores the day after Christmas, and bought all my coordinated shit in advance at like 75% off, so it cost me about $4 in total. (Estimate.)

So, here was last year’s tree, and it was the first tree I was 100% responsible for. This is a crappy cell phone pic, sorry.

See how pretty it was? *sigh*

But when I shopped last year for this Christmas, I knew I was pregnant. And I knew I’d be taking a boatload of pictures, and when I look back on those pictures of Xavier’s first Christmas, I wanted them to look classic and timeless and not too trendy. So I decided to go with a red & white theme this year.

However, I did not know my mom would be here this year, so I only purchased three stockings. Now I have one mismatched stocking and I can’t remember where I bought these, and I haven’t seen them on the shelves at all the usual suspects. So I have an odd man out. Screw it, it’s fine. It’sfineit’sfineit’sfineit’s fine.

It’s FINE.

Okay? Also, since Xavier’s little, no need to be stealthy, I can already start stuffing his stocking, he doesn’t care.


So. I also snapped up these cute little tree thingies from Target. (IfuckingloveTarget)

Cute huh?  I love them!  Here’s how I decorated the banister:


You like the way my balls dangle, don’t you?

Now…I do normally let the hubs do the outside. He likes to be spastic and crazy, with all the colors, like someone puked up Christmas Fruity Pebbles all over the place. But since he happily obliges me when I say “This tree is all wrong, please help me take it all down and start over”, I let him go nuts. This is his favorite tree, it reminds him of Charlie Brown, I guess. I’ll show it to you, and then we’ll never speak of it again.



He’s mad because I’m not showing it to you lit up. But…I think you get the idea don’t you?

Now. Let’s move on. We have two Arborvitae trees in pots right outside the front door. Like I said, normally I let him have the outside, but I’m pretty sure this still counts as inside. So..clear lights and red ornaments:

Notice the one that’s in the pot now? Yea…John found that in the driveway this morning, a solid 20 feet away. The hook part had been ripped off and split in half. Stupid raccoon I bet,  I hear they like shiny shit. Tried to jack my shit but didn’t make it too far before he realized it wasn’t food, or treasure, or what the hell ever he thought it was. John thought it was appropriate to just place it back in the pot.  Maybe if the little vermin returns he’ll take that one again rather than trying to pick another?

Okay so I’ll quit dicking around and show you my tree now. But before I do, I need you to know that both my mother and I are allergic to natural trees. We break out in hives, so don’t give me any shit about my fake tree.


Pretty awesome huh? That thing I said about taking everything off and starting over again? Totally happened. And yes, the wrapping paper is coordinated with the tree. Christmas just cranks my crazy right up.









And fun facts:

Xavier started solids this week. Not entirely unrelated, Xavier pooped on me. And the floor. He has also started giving drooly open mouthed kisses, so it evens out. We’re giving peas a chance.


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