Birth Story (Part two)

Okay..where was I?

Oh yes. I was peeing in a jug. Which..I don’t know if you guys know this, but being diabetic makes you pee a lot. So does being 38.5 weeks pregnant. So..I definitely filled up two of their jugs in 24 hours. After that, I waited a bajillion years for them to come in and give me the news..I had Preeclampsia.

Well, shit. What now? 

My cervix, at this point, was “Not favorable for induction.” The on call doctor, was not my usual doctor. And I didn’t really like her one damned bit. She seemed hesitant to make any kind of real decision. It was Thursday by now, and she wanted to have me stay in the hospital until Monday, THEN induce. The fuck? NO.  John had gone home to tend to the dogs when I got this news, and after Dr WishyWashy left the room, I called him crying like a little bitch with a skinned knee. I wanted to either go home or start the induction. I did NOT want to stay in the hospital doing NOTHING for four more days. If I’m going to do nothing, I want to do it at home with better cable, thank you very much.

Oh, and with all this freaking to do..I had not had a chance to clean up the house. I knew we’d be having all kinds of visitors after the baby came, so I was desperate to get the house cleaned before giving birth.  I know..it should not have even been a concern, but what the hell. When you’re that pregnant, you’re crazy and that’s all there is to it.

A few minutes later, a miracle happened. Dr WishyWashy came back to my room and told me she’d spoken to my dr, who said to send me home and to stop being an indecisive idiot. YAY!  So..home I went. I hung out with my dogs, ran some errands, and it was all going well. I still didn’t clean though. Then I got a phone call from my doctor Friday afternoon. She had just been going over my chart and decided that “Holy crap! This bitch has gestational diabetes, and preeclampsia. In the next three days, this is only going to get more dangerous for both of them..screw it, let’s induce. TONIGHT!”

Well, shit. Call John home from work. Run around like a maniac and finish packing my bag. Text 100 people.

Head to the hospital and by 7:30 pm I was all checked in. Took the nurses HOURS to get the belly band monitors to work for me and my fatness. Embarassing. And every time I got up to go to the bathroom, which, well at 39 weeks pregnant is roughly every 5 minutes, we had to start all over. Good times.
So it wasn’t until about 11:30 that I started the induction process. A foley balloon? Yea..that was pretty shitty. I was chuckling at the idea of a balloon up my vag. (This is no time for a party!)  OF COURSE, it was a guy doctor on call that night to insert it for me. Here’s how that little party played out. They strapped my feet down in the stirrup position, lowered my head so my vag was due north and spread wide, and then proceeded to insert the empty balloon into my cervix. Then…inflate it.

About as much fun as it sounds. Then, they tape the 8″ tube hanging out of my vag to my thigh, insert the cervadil, and tell me to get some rest.
As if. The belly band monitors, the peeing..forget it.
But the contractions started aboout 2 am. Totally tolerable, timeable. Not bad at all. At 8 am, they fed me and moved me down to an L&D room. The cervadil and balloon had made me bleed some, so I was feeling pretty scummy, and was able to take a shower. But since I was hooked up to an IV for fluids, I had to be cut out of my hospital gown, and wear a plastic bag and a diaper taped around my iv hand to shower.
Amazing.
Let’s start the pitocin then, shall we?

The contractions keep coming, but still totally manageable with a bit of breathing. The Foley falls out around noon, meaning I’m now dilated to at least 3 cm. New Dr, we’ll call her Dr S, comes into check me, says I’m at 4 and softening up nicely. Tremendous!
The contractions get a little worse, but I’m still totally on top of them. Dr checks me again a little while later. A 5! Wahoo. She breaks my water. GA-ROSSSS. Tells me the contractions are going to get worse now, so if I’d like the epi she’ll put the order in and it will be up in about an hour. Meh, why wait? Order it up.
By the time the epi comes, I’m pretty happy to see them. Not like “OH MY GOD I TOTALLY WAS DYING” in pain, but definitely getting uncomfy and ready for a bit of relief. Which came instantly, and I was so grateful. This is when they stuck the catheter in me. Things are getting serious, I decide to take a nap in my new, blissful numbed state.
About an hour into said nap, I realize I am starting to feel some pain in my right hip. So, they dial up anesthesia and top off my epi. All is good again. They check me again, I’m at a 7. w00t! It’s just about go time, now I can get a little sleep and when I wake up it’ll be showtime! This baby will be here by midnight, at the latest!
However..as I’m dozing off, I start to feel a little crampy during contractions.
Quite a bit crampy.

Now..a side note about pain management during labor. I had originally wanted a natural, medication free birth. My body was designed to do this, and all that. However, as soon as they started talking induction (As I mentioned, about 5 minutes after my Gestational Diabetes diagnosis at 15 weeks), I knew if I was induced, no way would I last without an epidural. I’ve had the good fortune to be present for 3 of my bff’s deliveries. All induced. Everytime she went in with the intent to stay off the drugs. Everytime, she got the drugs. And she’s WAY tougher than me. So if you say pitocin my friend, to that I say EPIDURAL.

So, knowing that I would be getting the epidural, I did not make any other plans to manage pain. I didn’t go to birthing classes or study hypnosis techniques or really..anything. Epidural, that’s all I need to know!

I want to stress this fun fact, because I wasn’t truly aware of it,  so pay close attention: EPIDURALS CAN FAIL.

Stay tuned, part three is coming soon.

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