I sat here for a little while, listening to Xavier coo in his sleep, trying to figure out what my first post should be. It should be very important stuff, no? So..I guess we’ll start at the beginning..but first a little background.
I never wanted kids. For as long as I can remember, I would declare to anyone who would listen how I couldn’t stand the little germbombs. As I got older, I found ways to work it into conversation, not too soon, but soon enough so that we didn’t waste each other’s time when starting new relationships. When I met John..well, he liked them, but he didn’t have any desire to have any.
Then one day, maybe two years ago, I was watching some crappy daytime television, and a Pampers commercial came on. I looked at the cooing, giggling little baby..and thought to myself “I could do that..maybe”.
So..this prompted a long period of inner turmoil for me. I knew we’d had an agreement, we weren’t having kids. Did I REALLY want one? Was this a passing phase? I waited to see if it went away.
It didn’t. So after a few months..I worked up my nerve, and began the conversation, the way ALL important conversations are started; via text message.
“I think I might kinda, sorta, maybe want a kid.”
His response “I just cut my own balls off.”
Then we got serious. We decided to wait like three years, I think was the original plan. At that point, we were planning to move to Illinois, so I could be close to my mom. We also planned to quit smoking and lose weight before making a baby.
I don’t think it was even one year later, I was pregnant. Didn’t lose the weight. Didn’t move. We did quit smoking though, yay for that!! SO hard..seriously. I still think about cigarettes all the time. But I’m never going back.
So..got pregnant. And didn’t breathe for 8 solid weeks. I was pretty lucky, I had lots of nausea, but zero vomitting. I just always felt like I was juuust about to. I guess you can call that lucky.
Then, at 15 weeks pregnant, I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes. They tested me early because of my weight, and I have a strong family history of Diabetes also.
Diabetes SUCKS you guys. But I dealt with it, and tried my best not to whine too much. I managed to avoid insulin up until the last few weeks. I have to be tested again very soon to see if I actually have the real deal diabetes, or if it was just gestational. With the diagnosis, my hopes for a natural birth were pretty slim. My Dr let me know early on that chances were, I’d be induced early, before the baby got too big. We wanted to avoid a c-section, and early induction was the lesser of the two evils.
I left work on June 29th at around 3:30. By 10 pm, I was in the emergency room. I was having these craaaazy stomach pains. Well, more towards my ribs. Like a charlie horse..but nastier. Well, they found protein in my urine, and decided to keep me there for a few days so I could pee in a jug. (Was actually two jugs by the time all was said and done.)
This is where it gets hairy..so I’m going to stop because it’s time to feed the beasts. I’ll post the rest soon! (Spoiler: I had a baby.)